Quote

I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Looks
Muscles
Like
Tone
Develop
Full
Ability
Stills
Walnuts
Still
Condom
Look
Muscle

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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
Dana Gould