Quote

I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Look
Muscle
Looks
Muscles
Like
Tone
Develop
Full
Ability
Stills
Walnuts
Still
Condom

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
Dana Gould
Image
I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
Dana Gould
Image
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould
Image
Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
Dana Gould
Image
For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
Dana Gould
Image
I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
Dana Gould
Image
Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
Dana Gould
Image
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
Dana Gould
Image
What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
Dana Gould
Image
Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
Dana Gould
Image
Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
Dana Gould
Image
Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
Dana Gould
Image
There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Dana Gould
Image
You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
Dana Gould
Image
It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
Dana Gould
Image
Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
Dana Gould
Image
It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
Dana Gould
Image
I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
Dana Gould
Image
I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould
Image
What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
Dana Gould