Quote

I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Full
Ability
Stills
Walnuts
Still
Condom
Look
Muscle
Looks
Muscles
Like
Tone
Develop

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould