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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Whole
Store
Feel
Stores
Xmas
Inside
Vintage
Feels
Family
String
Make
House
Clothings
Like
Light
Clothing
Live
Lights
Nothing
Strings
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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