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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
People
Cells
Prison
Meet
Number
Numbers
Friends
Give
Giving
Cell

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Competition is the death of art.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould