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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Head
Buckets
Dies
Alarm
Kids
Castle
Live
Alarms
Castles
Dunks
Awesome
Pedophile
Invisible
Bucket
Gonna
Suspected
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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