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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dies
Alarm
Kids
Castle
Live
Alarms
Castles
Dunks
Awesome
Pedophile
Invisible
Bucket
Gonna
Suspected
Head
Buckets
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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