Quote

It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Invisible
Bucket
Gonna
Suspected
Head
Buckets
Dies
Alarm
Kids
Castle
Live
Alarms
Castles
Dunks
Awesome
Pedophile

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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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