Quote

It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Kids
Castle
Live
Alarms
Castles
Dunks
Awesome
Pedophile
Invisible
Bucket
Gonna
Suspected
Head
Buckets
Dies
Alarm

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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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