Quote

I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Phobia
Snakes
Intimacy
Mean

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
Dana Gould
Image
I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
Image
I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
Dana Gould
Image
Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
Dana Gould
Image
I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
Dana Gould
Image
Competition is the death of art.
Dana Gould
Image
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
Image
We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
Dana Gould
Image
A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
Dana Gould
Image
Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
Dana Gould
Image
Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
Dana Gould
Image
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould
Image
New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
Dana Gould
Image
Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
Image
Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould
Image
Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
Dana Gould
Image
Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
Dana Gould
Image
My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
Dana Gould
Image
The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
Dana Gould
Image
As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
Dana Gould