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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Phobia
Snakes
Intimacy
Mean

More quotes by Dana Gould

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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
Dana Gould
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
Dana Gould
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
Dana Gould
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
Dana Gould
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
Dana Gould
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
Dana Gould