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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Cloud
Candy
Clouds
Eating
Like
Diabetes
Cotton

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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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