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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Clouds
Eating
Like
Diabetes
Cotton
Cloud
Candy

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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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