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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Like
Diabetes
Cotton
Cloud
Candy
Clouds
Eating

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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
Dana Gould
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Dana Gould
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
Dana Gould