Quote

Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Names
Tango
Lasts
Candy
Last
Whoever
Times
Paris
Thought
Bars
Many
Name
Never
Either
Seen

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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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