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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
War
Group
Away
Effects
Stories
Groups
Robots
Take
Special
Wars
Stars
Attack
Friends
Terrorist
Story
Planning
Simple
Star

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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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Competition is the death of art.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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