Quote

The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dying
Takes
Head
Alone
Fear
Away
Part
Lice
Best
Chronic

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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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