Quote

The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Fear
Away
Part
Lice
Best
Chronic
Dying
Takes
Head
Alone

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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Competition is the death of art.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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