Quote

The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Head
Alone
Fear
Away
Part
Lice
Best
Chronic
Dying
Takes

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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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