Quote

The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dying
Takes
Head
Alone
Fear
Away
Part
Lice
Best
Chronic

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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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