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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Along
Nice
Looking
Soul
Genital
Way
Pals
People
Bump
Bumps
Mates

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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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