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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
People
Bump
Bumps
Mates
Along
Nice
Looking
Soul
Genital
Way
Pals

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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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Competition is the death of art.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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