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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Shirts
Wear
Half
Come
Always
People

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
Dana Gould
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
Dana Gould
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
Dana Gould
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
Dana Gould
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
Dana Gould
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
Dana Gould
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
Dana Gould
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
Dana Gould
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
Dana Gould
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
Dana Gould
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
Dana Gould
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
Dana Gould
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
Dana Gould
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Dana Gould
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
Dana Gould
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould