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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Shirts
Wear
Half
Come
Always
People

More quotes by Dana Gould

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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould