Quote

Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Pants
Noise
Perfect
Chihuahuas
Persons
Shits
Person
Chihuahua
Every
Screams
Time
Pet
Life
Scream

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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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