Quote

Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Persons
Shits
Person
Chihuahua
Every
Screams
Time
Pet
Life
Scream
Pants
Noise
Perfect
Chihuahuas

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
Dana Gould
Image
If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
Dana Gould
Image
Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
Dana Gould
Image
New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
Dana Gould
Image
Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould
Image
Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
Dana Gould
Image
I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
Dana Gould
Image
If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould
Image
Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
Dana Gould
Image
Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
Dana Gould
Image
Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
Dana Gould
Image
If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
Dana Gould
Image
Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
Dana Gould
Image
I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
Dana Gould
Image
What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
Dana Gould
Image
If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
Dana Gould
Image
To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
Dana Gould
Image
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Dana Gould
Image
Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
Image
I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould