Quote

The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Stop
Guy
Cooker
Thing
Cookers
Good
Bomb
Slightly
Bombs
Larger
Pressure

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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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