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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Became
Minutes
Common
Words
Associated
Sense
Doomed
Legislation
Minute
Gun

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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Competition is the death of art.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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