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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Sense
Doomed
Legislation
Minute
Gun
Became
Minutes
Common
Words
Associated
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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