Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
Dana Gould
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Intentionally
Beard
Bees
Competition
Hold
Competitions
Sapiens
Homo
Mammals
More quotes by Dana Gould
Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
Dana Gould
What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
Dana Gould
I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
Dana Gould
Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
Dana Gould
Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
Dana Gould
We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
Dana Gould
Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
Dana Gould
Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould
My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
Dana Gould
If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
Dana Gould
Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
Dana Gould
A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
Dana Gould
I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
Dana Gould
Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
Dana Gould
I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
Dana Gould
Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
Dana Gould
I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
Dana Gould
The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
Dana Gould