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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Competition
Hold
Competitions
Sapiens
Homo
Mammals
Intentionally
Beard
Bees

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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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