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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Fall
Make
Birthday
Christmas
Son
Powerful
Jesus
More quotes by Dana Gould
If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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