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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Memories
Morning
Perfect
Sense
Makes
Think
Thinking
Memory
Argument

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
Dana Gould
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
Dana Gould