Quote

I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Think
Thinking
Memory
Argument
Memories
Morning
Perfect
Sense
Makes

More quotes by Dana Gould

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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
Dana Gould
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
Dana Gould
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
Dana Gould
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
Dana Gould
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
Dana Gould
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
Dana Gould
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Dana Gould
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
Dana Gould
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
Dana Gould
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
Dana Gould
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
Dana Gould
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
Dana Gould
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
Dana Gould