Quote

I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Sense
Makes
Think
Thinking
Memory
Argument
Memories
Morning
Perfect

More quotes by Dana Gould

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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
Dana Gould