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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Butter
Excuse
Dies
Another
Live
Everything
Going
Peanut
Peanuts
More quotes by Dana Gould
I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
Dana Gould
I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould
I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
Dana Gould
Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
Dana Gould
I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
Dana Gould
Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
Dana Gould
Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
Dana Gould
I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
Dana Gould
I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
Dana Gould
I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
Dana Gould
I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
Dana Gould
What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould
It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
Dana Gould
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
Dana Gould
Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould
I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould
If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
Dana Gould