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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Hard
Degree
Trying
Degrees
Believe
Moon
Life
Turn
Full
Turns
Faith
Dude
Live
Wolf

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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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