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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Selling
Idea
Ends
May
Ideas
Something
Good
Lice
Never
Description

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
Dana Gould
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
Dana Gould
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
Dana Gould
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
Dana Gould
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Dana Gould
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
Dana Gould
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
Dana Gould
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
Dana Gould
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
Dana Gould
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
Dana Gould
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
Dana Gould
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
Dana Gould
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
Dana Gould
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
Dana Gould
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Competition is the death of art.
Dana Gould
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
Dana Gould
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
Dana Gould