Quote

If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Good
Lice
Never
Description
Selling
Idea
Ends
May
Ideas
Something

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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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Competition is the death of art.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
Dana Gould