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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Ideas
Something
Good
Lice
Never
Description
Selling
Idea
Ends
May
More quotes by Dana Gould
I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
Dana Gould
Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
Dana Gould
I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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