Quote

If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Idea
Ends
May
Ideas
Something
Good
Lice
Never
Description
Selling

More quotes by Dana Gould

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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
Dana Gould
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
Dana Gould
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
Dana Gould
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
Dana Gould
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
Dana Gould
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
Dana Gould
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Dana Gould
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
Dana Gould
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
Dana Gould
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
Dana Gould
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Dana Gould
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
Dana Gould
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Dana Gould
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
Dana Gould
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
Dana Gould