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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Begin
Positive
Told
Back
Slowly
Count
Experiences
Ten

More quotes by Dana Gould

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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
Dana Gould