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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Ten
Begin
Positive
Told
Back
Slowly
Count
Experiences

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould