Quote

Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Back
Slowly
Count
Experiences
Ten
Begin
Positive
Told

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
Dana Gould
Image
Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
Image
I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
Dana Gould
Image
Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
Dana Gould
Image
Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould
Image
Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
Dana Gould
Image
Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
Dana Gould
Image
It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
Dana Gould
Image
Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
Image
I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
Dana Gould
Image
There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
Dana Gould
Image
My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
Dana Gould
Image
Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
Dana Gould
Image
Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
Dana Gould
Image
Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
Dana Gould
Image
Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
Dana Gould
Image
The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
Dana Gould
Image
You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
Dana Gould
Image
The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
Dana Gould
Image
Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
Dana Gould