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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Lasts
Last
Shitty
War
Wars
Tell
Star
Next
Movies
Three
Maybe
Stories
Stars
Story

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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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