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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Three
Maybe
Stories
Stars
Story
Lasts
Last
Shitty
War
Wars
Tell
Star
Next
Movies

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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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Competition is the death of art.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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