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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Story
Lasts
Last
Shitty
War
Wars
Tell
Star
Next
Movies
Three
Maybe
Stories
Stars

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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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