Quote

The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dream
Turkey
Men
Elephants
Like
Shaped
Dreams
Skull
Full
Elephant
Head
Claimed
Actually
Skulls
Bigs
Turkeys

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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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