Quote

Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Home
Knife
Thing
Knives
Like
Search
Bring
Looking
Perfect
Next
Pumpkins
Women
Pumpkin

More quotes by Dana Gould

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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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Competition is the death of art.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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