Quote

Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Home
Knife
Thing
Knives
Like
Search
Bring
Looking
Perfect
Next
Pumpkins
Women
Pumpkin

More quotes by Dana Gould

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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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