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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Perfect
Next
Pumpkins
Women
Pumpkin
Home
Knife
Thing
Knives
Like
Search
Bring
Looking

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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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