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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Especially
Middle
Another
Love
Yawn
Dogs
Dog
Speech

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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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