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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Remembering
Suddenly
Worse
Angry
Remember
Reason
Thing
Really

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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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