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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Thing
Really
Remembering
Suddenly
Worse
Angry
Remember
Reason

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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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