Quote

My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Much
Meth
Life
Chemistry
Like
Breaking
Except
Instead
Teacher
Guy
Making

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
Dana Gould
Image
We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
Dana Gould
Image
I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould
Image
Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
Dana Gould
Image
New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
Dana Gould
Image
Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
Dana Gould
Image
Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
Dana Gould
Image
How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
Dana Gould
Image
I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
Dana Gould
Image
Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
Image
Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
Dana Gould
Image
Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
Dana Gould
Image
People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
Dana Gould
Image
Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
Dana Gould
Image
I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
Image
I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
Dana Gould
Image
What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
Dana Gould
Image
Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
Dana Gould
Image
Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
Dana Gould
Image
Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould