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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Getting
Family
Part
Fillet
Hard
Synonyms
Going
Synonym
Anti
Function
Sex
More quotes by Dana Gould
To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
Dana Gould
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Dana Gould
The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
Dana Gould
I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
Dana Gould
If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould
I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould
Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
Dana Gould
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Dana Gould
