Quote

New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Going
Synonym
Anti
Function
Sex
Getting
Family
Part
Fillet
Hard
Synonyms

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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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