Quote

New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Going
Synonym
Anti
Function
Sex
Getting
Family
Part
Fillet
Hard
Synonyms

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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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