Quote

New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Anti
Function
Sex
Getting
Family
Part
Fillet
Hard
Synonyms
Going
Synonym

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
Dana Gould
Image
I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
Dana Gould
Image
Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
Dana Gould
Image
What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould
Image
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould
Image
Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
Dana Gould
Image
It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
Dana Gould
Image
The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
Dana Gould
Image
What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
Dana Gould
Image
What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
Dana Gould
Image
People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
Dana Gould
Image
Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
Dana Gould
Image
Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould
Image
When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
Dana Gould
Image
I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
Dana Gould
Image
To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Dana Gould
Image
You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
Dana Gould
Image
Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
Dana Gould
Image
Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
Image
Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
Dana Gould