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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
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More quotes by Dana Gould

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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
Dana Gould
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
Dana Gould
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
Dana Gould
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Dana Gould
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
Dana Gould
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
Dana Gould
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
Dana Gould
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
Dana Gould
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
Dana Gould
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
Dana Gould
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
Dana Gould
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
Dana Gould
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
Dana Gould
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
Dana Gould
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
Dana Gould
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
Dana Gould
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
Dana Gould
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould