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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Probably
Four
Guy
Generalize
Three
Tucked
Children
Shorts
Like
Shirt
Shirts
Killed

More quotes by Dana Gould

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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
Dana Gould
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
Dana Gould
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould