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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Like
Shirt
Shirts
Killed
Probably
Four
Guy
Generalize
Three
Tucked
Children
Shorts

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
Dana Gould
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
Dana Gould
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
Dana Gould
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould