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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Live
Competitively
Losers
Loser
Content
Happy
Peace
More quotes by Dana Gould
Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
Dana Gould
The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould
Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould
Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
Dana Gould
The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
Dana Gould
That which does not kill you isn't finished.
Dana Gould
What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
Dana Gould
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Dana Gould
Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
Dana Gould
If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
Dana Gould
I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
Dana Gould
My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
Dana Gould
I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
Dana Gould
If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
Dana Gould
Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
Dana Gould
The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
Dana Gould
