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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Live
Competitively
Losers
Loser
Content
Happy
Peace

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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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