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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Competitively
Losers
Loser
Content
Happy
Peace
Live

More quotes by Dana Gould

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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
Dana Gould
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
Dana Gould
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
Dana Gould
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Dana Gould
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
Dana Gould
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
Dana Gould
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
Dana Gould